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Spinning Out of Control

I’ve decided to start blogging again. Something about graduating in a little over 2 months has made me realize that I only have a few more months of freedom and I should probably take advantage of it. I also heard some Mark Twain quote today in my environmental studies class: “Never let school get in the way of your education.” I got super carpe diem. Then I thought, well you aren’t taking any challenging courses this term, so I should probably enhance myself outside of the few hours that I am in the classroom.

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I love Soul Cycle, but unfortunately trapped in a place called Lexington, VA, my options are limited to Professor and Student taught classes. Think spotify and low budget bikes. I have slowly grown to love the cycling classes, regardless of the conditions. My best friend and I decided that it would be “fun” to go ot spin at 6:30 AM three times a week. I acknowledge that it is borderline sociopathic, but whatever. So, the professor who teaches spin in the morning is a really funny, outgoing, business professor. This professor loves Katy Perry, singing out loud, and trying to convince the freshmen in the class to take his classes and become business majors. This professor also has the most energy I’ve seen anyone have this early in the morning besides a six year old, it’s kind of annoying when all I want to do is be back in my warm bed. Regardless of all of this, I love the class and enjoy the professor’s company for 45 minutes in the crack of dawn. Fortunately and unfortunately, the instructor “had” to go to a conference in Hawaii this week and asked me to teach his class this morning and tomorrow morning. At first I was really jacked up and then I realized how nervous I was, either way I agreed to do it, so I had to sit in the front of the room and direct the “students.” (By the way, these students were the same ten people that come to the classes every week plus a few friends who I forced to come). Long story short, being on the other side of the classroom gave me a little insight into the different type of people who attend these classes. This isn’t limited to the psychos who go at 6:30 am. Some of these are straight out of a suburban Soul Cycle class too.

Competitive Psycho: She’ll out peddle you any day of the week. She is constantly looking out of the corner of her eye to make sure she is at least 20 RPM faster than you. This competitive bitch should probably be doing yoga to take the stick out of her ass, but instead she is harshing the mellow of the entire room with every turn of resistance.

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Weight-loss champion: You Go Girl! You might still be 45 lbs over weight, but hey, we all saw where you started and are proud. We are still afraid that you might pass out during every sprint, but you don’t and we respect that.

Lance Armstrong: You wear the gear, you clip in when no one else is. You cheer as you sprint away. You are way too enthusiastic about this class. You create the illusion that you are the most experienced rider in the class. Your speed is unparalleled. You kind of intimidate all of us, but no one knows that you just pretend to turn your resistance up.

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Now that’s a chach

The Back Row Bitch: “Mind your own business” is exactly what she wants to say when you smile at her and think you’re friends because you’re riding next to eachother. This spinner gal is just tryna sweat and move on with her day. She’s not there to make friends, she’s not there to enjoy herself, she is there to work out and get out.

Front-row Rockstar: Or at least in their own minds. In my opinion, regular spin classes are very welcoming and open to whoever in the front row, as long as they basically follow the instructions of class and don’t distract those around them. Soul Cycle is different. If you aren’t coordinated, choreographed, and flawless, move you’re a$$ back a row and settle in with the commoners.

Rushing 4ever: The second the last song ends, these ladies are sprinting out of the class. No cool down, no stretch. This makes me wonder. If you are free at 9:45 on a Monday to take a spin class, where the hell do you have to rush to at 10:40 so fast that you cannot even stretch out your quads? But seriously – I’m about to ask one of these “busy” women.

The dudes that show up: Why are you here? That is the first thought that all of the ladies in the club are thinking, but then something changes. Then the ladies all around are sweating more and working harder than they ever had. So thank you guys for pushing us ladies harder. We just want you to think we are super fit and take our fitness seriously…

Disclaimer: You probably won’t be judged like this at every spin class, just don’t be too obvious with your weird spin tendencies. Xx

SS

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A little #tbt to our roots. What’s a chach anyways?

Here is one of our first posts. Chach may not be in our name, but it’s definitely a part of the game. Let’s get it….:

Let’s just be honest: this blog’s gonna blow up soon.  You’re in on the ground floor like Turtle with Avion.  This brings me to the purpose of my post here: you guys gotta get educated.  As the person who brought “chach” into the creator of this sites vocabulary, and also as her boyfriend, I was given the assignment of bringing you all up to speed. So let’s get to it.

A chach is a person who thinks they’ve got it all figured out, but their confidence-bordering-on-cockiness, along with their inability to generally “get” life, infuriates all rational friends and family members.  The second a chach walks into a room, you’re filled with second hand embarrassment and overcome by an intense hope that they don’t approach you. Their chachy behavior usually leads to a weird hatred. There is one thing that separates a chach from just your run of the mill gayball, though.  Chaches just have so much potential.  With just a few personality and habit tweaks, a chach could easily become the baller that he/she thinks he/she already is.  The never ending quest to convert a chach is really the only worthwhile reason to keep them around.  As I believe that emaciated weirdo Ghandi once said, “Force the change you want to see in a chach.”

Since you ADD monsters probably stopped reading and kicked it over to Temple Run 5 minutes ago, I’m gonna make this visual.

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Bringing it all the way back to Turtle’s boy Carlos.  This dude sucked.  Just let Cuban buy you out and take the money back to your favela chief.

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This guy from TMZ.  Hate him. Just be a normal middle aged dude and leave the black dude and surfer boy to creep on Justin Beiber.

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I’m sure you’ve all seen The Vow. Not gonna lie, I’m into it.  Not feeling Leo though.  Kind of the ultimate “do less” figure.  You’re Channing Tatum, stop being a weirdo.  I see you working in the studio, but last time you looked in the mirror I don’t think Timbaland was looking back at you. Your girl’s in a coma, give it some time and relax, creep.

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A-Rod. An obvious chach.  Guy pulls in almost $30 mil a year but is somehow the most uncool person ever.  You’re rich and Latino, don’t see that everyday so start taking advantage. Leave the bodybuilding chicks for Hulk Hogan. Also, if you’re gonna keep doing steroids, just own it and be a baller about it.  I’d respect you.

So there you have it. A chach is just a chach. So simple but so intricate. Get into it.

P.S. – Yeah, I’m probably a chach for writing this. Whatever.

ET

Which type of Snapchatter are you?

I feel inclined to comment on Snapchat today because- as most of you have probably seen- it came out with this chatting feature. Do less pretty much sums up how I feel about it. I cannot even get it to update or work- so once again I have a very strong opinion on something I know not much about. Snapchat is turning down billion dollar deals because it thinks its the next big thing– what they don’t realize is that they are a mode of communication for naked pictures and ugly faces.

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I probably delete snapchat about once a month because I think I am too mature for it… and then I inevitably get FOMO and redownload it and bombard my contacts with stupid pictures of me and my “world.” Snapchat is an interesting thing, as its user base has quite the range of different intentions… ranging from innocent to uhh not so innocent.

You use snapchat as a mode of actual communication… You ask your friends what time you should all meet for dinner. You say hi. You say bye. It is a strange thing. Maybe you are looking to rack up the points? Keep cool people in you “Best Friends” or like just tryna get the message across with minimal effort. Hey, I don’t really knock it, except I’d rather just use iMessage like a normal person.

You use snapchat as a “guilt-free” way to send nudies… The problem is that most people sending nude pictures are like way too young and its creepy and gross for me to even think about. But really- there is no “guilt-free” nude picture, but this is probably as close as it gets. You probably learned quick that screenshots are possible… but if you only send it for 3 seconds it’s okay, right? Probably not- guys are capable of a lot more than you think. Also- if you “think he’s the one” you can probably just wait to show him your boobs in person…

They never look like this, trust me

They never look like this, trust me

You use snapchat to detail every event of your day… SNAP STORY UPDATE!!!! News flash- no one actually cares about snapchat stories, they only look at them so the little notification goes away. Also- if you are with a really cute dog or the sky is gorgeous, instagram it and at least get some like recognition. Just an idea. I don’t know. People know you are alive. People know you are still there. People aren’t answering your texts for a reason.

You exclusively use snapchat when you’re drunk… This might be the worst kind of person. I do admit to embarrassing snap stories when drunk- the kind that are SO bad that they are deleted ASAP rocky style in the AM. But like really- no one cares that you drink wine/beer/G&Ts. It is getting to the point in life when you actually are at the age when you can buy alcohol… News flash- it’s not only for the cool kids anymore. hehe

You use snapchat because you think your “ugly faces” are cute…. You and your friends are probably the most annoying people in the entire world. You probably think its funny when you screen shot them and put it on facebook. No one fucking cares. Like at all. Everyone is aware that they don’t look like a 10 (or 9,8,7….) all the time. I have a double chin LOL???

Don’t worry. Everyone has a little of each type of snapchatter in them. If you aren’t completely unaware you probably aren’t as hated as I may have made you feel…

 

SS

Can I See You?

Whether it is your grandma, BFF, dad, boyfriend, or pet fish that you want to speak with, there is 100% chance that the conversation could be enhanced through a video chat.

Back in the good ole days, slutty girls would actually go out to buy these cameras to attach to their computers put on a little show and hope they didn’t get caught, and now every computer has a built-in camera, even those dobby google chrome computers, so video chatting can be carefree and easy.

Back in the day, I think only Skype and iChat existed to video chat, and that depended on whether you were popular and had a mac, or not.

Now that technology has just blown up our world- there are dozens of means to video chat … What video chat method you chose says a lot about where you are in life… and here it is

Google Hangout: You’re just trying to relive the glory years. You’re 25, young, fresh, ready to experience all the world has to offer, except you fucking hate your life. You hate your job and you probably spend too much time at Happy Hour. The local bar isn’t your frat house. You use videochats as a means to stay in touch with all of your college buddies. You use GChat all day at work and complaining about your evil boss and the hot assistant. You think you’re being mature because you have graduated from Facebook and have moved on to Google, but you’re not… the only thing you possess is a job. At least you have that going for ya.

I hate college, but love all the parties

I hate college, but love all the parties

iChat/Messages: You are either video chatting with a middle schooler, or you are a middle schooler. This mode of video chatting requires a Mac and a AIM screen name, so like no qualms with the Mac, but easy does it with the AIM. There are so many other methods you can use and still you decide to stay put in 2009. I mean its how it was, but not how it is. Move on. Grow up. There’s a whole new world out there. Kinda. SkaterGurl870x3 has signed on. Hey wuz up? nmjcu? mos.. brb. K bye.

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Skype: You are straight up foreign. Or abroad. Or interviewing. Skype is kind of the OG when it comes to video chatting, which means that Cuban grandmothers like to use it in order to speak to the grandchildren they have been unable to meet (thx Castro). Foreign people effing love Skype because for some reason, foreign people know 100809324 people in other countries. Call me ignorant, but my network barely reaches Puerto Rico. Skype also allows businesses to use it as a means of interviewing without seeming really really creeping…

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Facetime: Slow down Steve Jobs. You definitely bought the iPhone 4, so your entire family could be connected all the time and share the laughs. Unfortunately what no one realizes is that, it never really happens the way we want it to. Its great for a quick chat, but your battery winds up draining in about 26 minutes, and the whole “its not actually going to be like long distance” thing becomes an unachievable dream. At least now you don’t need to be connected to WiFi on your phone because that was probably the biggest joke of all time… “HEY! I can see you on my 4 inch screen as I sit at my desk next to my computer.. WAIT wanna use skype instead???”

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Facebook: You’re unemployed. You don’t have a job. You sit at home all day taking BuzzFeed quizzes and actually laugh at memes. I would say you are what’s wrong with America, but I actually fucking hate people who say that. ~Only God can judge us~. Regardless, you are most likely poor and call people from above the Mason Dixon line yankees, not understanding that in 2014, that means baseball to 90% of the educated population. In your defense, this is a step up from Xbox live….

I heart unemployment, man

I heart unemployment, man

Back @ it

So, I’ve been certifiably MIA for the past 6 months… Oops.

I figured I’d ease back with a list of what my life endorses at this moment…

1. Candles: my room might look like a drug den, but it smells good

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2. Warm weather: I don’t have it and I need it

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3. 30 Day Ab Challenges: Holding me accountable, with minimal time commitment

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4. House of Cards: F. Underwood is so hot rn

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5. Girl Scout Cookies: Hot on the streets

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6. FEY-Fuck Everything and YOLO: Obviously more sophisticated then YOLO

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7. UGGs: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

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8. Sunglasses that cover your entire face: Makeup’s for ugly people

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9. Lululemon: An excuse to never wear real clothes

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10. Lent Diets: The “selfless” way to get into Spring Break shape 😉

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Steve “The Artist” Aoki

UPDATE: Turns out it’s fake — Steve Aoki still sucks.

 

Okay, so basically I read an article that came out on “wunderground.ie” that revealed that Steve Aoki has basically been conducting an art experiment for the past 15 years as he posed as a DJ. There are many thoughts that come to my head as I read this article. I’d like to say that we should have seen this coming, as it was common knowledge that while Aoki’s fans were rolling face and chugging agua, he was sober and throwing cake, but we didn’t- so here’s what I have to say…

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I think first we need to address the arrogance of this “artist.” This arrogance wouldn’t be as obvious, if he didn’t go around posing with Kanye “I used to be a rapper, now I’m a designer” West. Steve Aoki revealing that his music and performances were one big joke is basically saying that he thinks that each and every person that ever paid for his music or to see him perform is a complete idiot. Thank God I never listened to EDM, or else I’d actually probably send some threatening tweets to Mr. Aoki. I’d also contemplate suicide because I was played like a fiddle. These people who claim that EDM saved their lives are living a lie (for obvious reasons) but more importantly Steve Aoki is now saying that they are stupid and believed his BS. Let’s hope no one overdoses on Molly because of this….

Every asshole teenager and college aged kid decided that were “rave babies” by the time 2012 rolled around. They essentially bought into this phenomenon. They spent thousands of dollars on rave clothing- including hats, neon, and tights- “candy” -basically the bead bracelets that you made in 2003, drugs (good ole molly), $5 bottles of water at the venue, and of course tickets to see Steve Aoki jump around on stage for 2 hours (if that??). To find out that he is a sham is, I’m sure, very disheartening to the entire EDM community. Everyone bought into this “art” while Steve Aoki laughed all the way to the bank. PLUR.

The following quote is where Steve Aoki calls everyone a moron for not catching on sooner…..

“For me it’s about trying to be as absurd and laughable as possible without any of the audience being aware of, or being willfully ignorant of, the sheer absurdity of what they’re witnessing. The EDM explosion for me was the perfect vehicle to explore that idea because it seemed like that audience were capable of mindlessly accepting the most crass gimmicks and personalities”

This brings me to my next point. I kind of don’t believe him. I think he might have thought that this “reveal” could take him to the next level of celebrity. i.e.- Kanye, Gaga. I think he was having fun and wanted to be a crazy person. He got away with it, so hey! let the man do whatever it is he pleases, he is still riding the gravy train, right? I think he liked the EDM thing, loved what it started as, but realized that every stupid teenager thought they were profound and cool for listening to his music, so he had to throw a monkey wrench. He HAD to let his audience know, that he wasn’t one of them, that he was ABOVE them. Sure Aoki, let’s go with that…

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Here is where Aoki speaks to the challenge that his art brought him… “The show and my life as “DJ” Steve Aoki has evolved over the years, ” he explained. “I’ve had to live every waking moment as this guy without ever breaking character. That’s always been the toughest part, seeing myself become this clown and never being able to say ‘Hey guys, it’s not real’.”

I must conclude that Aoki is the stupid one. Primarily because if he was such an artist, he probably could have picked a more profound 15 year project. Not to get all weird, but if you decide to lose yourself and dedicate yourself to a project for 15 years, a least let it be for a cure for AIDS in Africa rather than inducing a Molly epidemic in the United States. As if American society wasn’t already going down the tubes with marijuana legalization. I guess the point of art is to spark conversation, not just be “beautiful”- so kudos to you Aoki, here is my blog about you. Also, I believe that Aoki should have just continued to run with this DJ gig of his. If he was “pretending” for 15 years, and he was the only one in on it, he might as well have been a DJ… so jokes on who??? If that’s what he was, that’s what he was. It is like he’s trying to back out after so long, but for what reason? To take a picture with yeezus?????? I’d want at LEAST a double date with Jay Z and B.

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The article that started it all: http://www.wunderground.ie/steve-aoki-shocks-edm-community-by-admitting-that-he-is-not-an-actual-dj/