Month: March 2014

Can I See You?

Whether it is your grandma, BFF, dad, boyfriend, or pet fish that you want to speak with, there is 100% chance that the conversation could be enhanced through a video chat.

Back in the good ole days, slutty girls would actually go out to buy these cameras to attach to their computers put on a little show and hope they didn’t get caught, and now every computer has a built-in camera, even those dobby google chrome computers, so video chatting can be carefree and easy.

Back in the day, I think only Skype and iChat existed to video chat, and that depended on whether you were popular and had a mac, or not.

Now that technology has just blown up our world- there are dozens of means to video chat … What video chat method you chose says a lot about where you are in life… and here it is

Google Hangout: You’re just trying to relive the glory years. You’re 25, young, fresh, ready to experience all the world has to offer, except you fucking hate your life. You hate your job and you probably spend too much time at Happy Hour. The local bar isn’t your frat house. You use videochats as a means to stay in touch with all of your college buddies. You use GChat all day at work and complaining about your evil boss and the hot assistant. You think you’re being mature because you have graduated from Facebook and have moved on to Google, but you’re not… the only thing you possess is a job. At least you have that going for ya.

I hate college, but love all the parties

I hate college, but love all the parties

iChat/Messages: You are either video chatting with a middle schooler, or you are a middle schooler. This mode of video chatting requires a Mac and a AIM screen name, so like no qualms with the Mac, but easy does it with the AIM. There are so many other methods you can use and still you decide to stay put in 2009. I mean its how it was, but not how it is. Move on. Grow up. There’s a whole new world out there. Kinda. SkaterGurl870x3 has signed on. Hey wuz up? nmjcu? mos.. brb. K bye.


Skype: You are straight up foreign. Or abroad. Or interviewing. Skype is kind of the OG when it comes to video chatting, which means that Cuban grandmothers like to use it in order to speak to the grandchildren they have been unable to meet (thx Castro). Foreign people effing love Skype because for some reason, foreign people know 100809324 people in other countries. Call me ignorant, but my network barely reaches Puerto Rico. Skype also allows businesses to use it as a means of interviewing without seeming really really creeping…


Facetime: Slow down Steve Jobs. You definitely bought the iPhone 4, so your entire family could be connected all the time and share the laughs. Unfortunately what no one realizes is that, it never really happens the way we want it to. Its great for a quick chat, but your battery winds up draining in about 26 minutes, and the whole “its not actually going to be like long distance” thing becomes an unachievable dream. At least now you don’t need to be connected to WiFi on your phone because that was probably the biggest joke of all time… “HEY! I can see you on my 4 inch screen as I sit at my desk next to my computer.. WAIT wanna use skype instead???”


Facebook: You’re unemployed. You don’t have a job. You sit at home all day taking BuzzFeed quizzes and actually laugh at memes. I would say you are what’s wrong with America, but I actually fucking hate people who say that. ~Only God can judge us~. Regardless, you are most likely poor and call people from above the Mason Dixon line yankees, not understanding that in 2014, that means baseball to 90% of the educated population. In your defense, this is a step up from Xbox live….

I heart unemployment, man

I heart unemployment, man


Back @ it

So, I’ve been certifiably MIA for the past 6 months… Oops.

I figured I’d ease back with a list of what my life endorses at this moment…

1. Candles: my room might look like a drug den, but it smells good


2. Warm weather: I don’t have it and I need it


3. 30 Day Ab Challenges: Holding me accountable, with minimal time commitment


4. House of Cards: F. Underwood is so hot rn


5. Girl Scout Cookies: Hot on the streets


6. FEY-Fuck Everything and YOLO: Obviously more sophisticated then YOLO


7. UGGs: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow


8. Sunglasses that cover your entire face: Makeup’s for ugly people


9. Lululemon: An excuse to never wear real clothes


10. Lent Diets: The “selfless” way to get into Spring Break shape 😉