What else is there to do when you have too much to do, but watch TV? Nothing is a bigger time suck or more of an obsession than a television show. Before the days of netflix, we would all anxiously await next weeks’ episode and now we watch 3 seasons in a week on HBO Go without seeing the light of day. Since we spend more time with these characters than our own parents, what shows we choose to fill our heads with is perfect judgement of character. Here’s why..
Mad Men: You watch a show based in the 60s, you think you’re educated. You think you’re sophisticated. You think you’re fabulous. You may or may not be any of these things, but you’re just waiting for the high class problems of Don Draper to enter your own life.
Eastbound and Down: You probably don’t find Kenny Powers entirely disgusting. You might play baseball and you definitely admire him. If you’re from the north, you wish you lived in the south and if you’re from the south, you’re probably a little embarrassed. Either way who’s cooler than Kenny Powers, who doesn’t look like Kate Moss, doing lines with his buddies? That was sarcastic.
Pretty Little Liars: You think that you like the horror movie genre now, sorry A isn’t that hardcore. When you were in high school, these girls dressed so betchy and you might have tried to act like your favorite one. Now that you’re in college and moving forward (?) with your life you think it’s so cute how they deal with boys, like why doesn’t Spencer dump creepshow Toby.
Got a secret?
Entourage: You wish that the amount of weed you smoke can some day amount to Vinny Chase’s success. You could only hope. Vinny Chase lives the life, but he isn’t enough to want to be- I guess that’s the price of fame. It should be clear that Turte, E, and Drama are the ones you’re supposed to like- but hey who gave this dumb show that much thought. Oh and if you aren’t jewish, you probably wish you were because of Ari.
Game of Thrones: I know absolutely nothing about this show- but what I do know is that it is all fantasy and creepy children and people dying. You are probably an aspiring sociopath.
Breaking Bad: You definitely sell weed on the side and only hope to amount to what Walter has. You’re into drugs and crime. If you’re not as slimy as Jesse, then chances are you want to work with crime from the other end- lawyer, corrections officer, cop, therapist. So you either want to be Walt, support Walt, get into the mind of Walt, or take him down completely.
True Blood: I don’t care how good it is, or how much it isn’t super twilighty- you have to be obsessed with sex to like this show. Chances are that you are a sex addict or completely deprived. So then basically sex is on your mind 24/7 and this show is your outlet. Get help pls.
This explains it all. Btw Fuck Rolling Stone.
The Bachelor: You are a romance obsessed girl. You have a wedding board on pinterest. And you really hope that love is found over these 12 or so weeks because no one should be alone, right? You probably don’t have a boyfriend because he would never allow you to watch this- unless he’s gay. Sorry for breaking the news to you both. Enjoy your cats in 5-7 years.
This looks dysfunctional
Sons of Anarchy: If you’re a guy, which is most of you, you want to be Jax Teller. He is the coolest baddest motherfucker out there. Who else could wear white airforce ones and baggy jeans and ride a motorcycle and you still wanted to be him? Watching SOA allows you to feel more bad ass than you are. I know that you think that you’re a bad ass d3 lax god, but we all know that SAMCRO is consistently one-upping you. If you’re a girl, plain and simple, you are just trying to bang the dudes who watch SOA.
Guys wanna be you. Girls wanna do you.
How I Met Your Mother: You don’t have any friends. You yearn to have friends. You think you’re a part of something bigger because you watch How I Met Your Mother. It is not the new Friends, so therefore it is not legendary and in turn you are not legendary.
I do not see Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and/or Phoebe
Gossip Girl: You read the books in middle school. You want the life, but sometimes you think that you are morally above it. You can’t resist wanting to be Serena considering she is Blake Lively. You swear you are going to stop watching because the plot is just too out of control, but never do. There is also a good chance that you are a middle aged woman trying to escape your dumpy husband, annoying kids, and humble abode.
Ugh Park Ave
The Sopranos: If you started watching post James Gandolfini’s death then you are a bandwagoner and have no respect for anyone or anything. If you were actually dedicated to the show then you can spot talent from a mile away. You like action and drama, as long as you are removed from it- some might call that selfish. You loved Tony and his smile because you wish people would forgive your sins as quickly as you forgave Tony’s.